Dear Diary…Kaput. I see it. Why don’t you?

WARNING: I am annoyed/hurt/confused/angry/etc etc etc….

Why? Long story.

Short version – A Man. 😦

Too short, you say? Ok, Longer version…

A Man I once loved very much continues to contact me even though “it” is over.
Done. Kaput. Finito.
WE called it quits.
Well, I called it quits – for very good reasons mind you, but WE Mutually agreed that there is no future between us. So in my mind, we ended it. Agreed upon. Done.
Now, admittedly, I opened a can of worms by wishing him a happy birthday. My bad. I guess I shouldn’t wish happiness to ex’s I suppose. Even text-style well wishes is a BAD thing. Apparently it sends the wrong message.

But QUESTION: In what language does “Happy Birthday” translate to “I want to get back with you”…. I wonder???
ANSWER: NONE. Happy Birthday means “I hope you have a happy birthday today”. Period. It means exactly that. Nothing more.
I wish him well.
I’m a nice person – sue me.
But.. “we MOOOOVE ON, because that’s what people do…..” (*ok, the Breaking Bad reference is lost on you. I get it* – but it was funny at the time. Season 2, episode…… shit, I don’t know what episode. sorry, it was the plane crash pep talk at the high school…hell just Google it, ok)

But, I digress.
Anyway, he continues reaching out to me, calling to say …. well, nothing much. Just calls to hear me breathe I guess.  Eating up my cell minutes for no daggoned reason. Its less annoying than just plain hurtful & confusing to me – as well as opening healing wounds and making them ache again. Like picking a scab knowing that you’re creating a tender spot that will scar but just can’t stop yourself.
Change your number, you say.
Well I don’t want to change my number though – I’ve had it too long and, honestly, I shouldn’t have to change it. He should stop picking at me and leave me in peace.  I promise to ignore all other birthdays if he’ll just lose my number. Fair enough?
Is that so hard? There are SOO many other women out there just dying to be with an awesome-in-the-sack, non-commital just like him. So why miss me so much? I’m confused because I don’t fit his ideal woman profile anyway – which is primarily why I called it quits in the first place. Why aren’t I, you ask? Because I’m MONOGOMOUS. Ain’t it a sin? We had a problem because I won’t let other people in the bedroom with us. I’m so unrelenting and selfish to keep saying NO, I ONLY want YOU. That’s a problem for him. Weird huh?
In fairness, I did ask him all that during a particularly uncomfortable few minutes of silence that we’re both paying per minute for – but, not surprisingly I didn’t get a response.
Just Silence.. and a sigh.
Don’t look at me like that, I DID ask.
I do know why the deafening silence though (which happened because I refuse to provide answers to questions aren’t mine to answer – My question simply strikes too deeply into his incredibly selfish nature – and would call for serious self-examination that he is unwilling to put himself through just to get some guaranteed ass on a forever basis. Now before you shoot me with arrows, thats not me resorting to name-calling…. he told me that himself. So I’m just saying what he said.

Of course, there’s some deep issues in this story that I am unwilling to divulge here on a public blog – but trust, there are.  We both have them. However, I’m willing to discuss & work through them – he wasn’t. Which contributed to the problem as well.

But I’m tired. We’ve done this emotional merry-go-round too many times. He made his bed but apparently doesn’t want to sleep in it. Too crowded with all the wrong people, I think.
My bed however, is very comfy and has all the people I want in it. One. Me. (well, me and my teddy b’cause we coo like that)
My advice: MOVE ON Brotha, move on b’cause I have and really would like to put a period to this madness once and for all. Truly.

~Aye, out

Note: I”m not annoyed/hurt/confused/angry/etc etc etc…anymore.
Blogging in my diary is Good 😀



3 thoughts on “Dear Diary…Kaput. I see it. Why don’t you?

  1. It was Jan 1, 2010 when I posted this, my new years resolution on Facebook: "Peace & Quiet for me and No matter what happens, I'm gonna do ME and let You do You." Sincerely, ~Moi" …. today is May 3, 2010 and I STILL MEAN IT. DO YOU please!!

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